Home again

Released into the custody of JP. These are my homecoming flowers. Thank you for all your messages of support.
The last 12 days has to be the most frightening episode of this cancer journey so far. I felt as though I’d been poisoned – like Litvinenko after the Polonium 2-10. And it went on and on and on until the eventual trip to hospital on Friday.
Saturday night on the cancer ward, I thought I’d died and gone to Purgatory. My drip machine was faulty, and every fifteen minutes or so would bleep, waking me and anyone else in the vicinity – like some kind of sleep deprivation torture. Added to that, the night was punctuated by groans, moans, sobs and the laboured rasping breathing of someone in the last stages of life. She died the next morning. Maureen RIP. 
Things got better from there on as I got to know some of the other patients. There were some very poorly people there; Maureen was not the only one to die over the weekend. But every single person I met was positive and resourceful. And the nurses, of course, were angels.
Opposite me was a 21-year-old girl with a rare cancer. Can’t remember what she called it but there is only one other person in the UK with it. She was brave and bubbly. There was a young lad in one of the side rooms who just wanted to hear guitar playing – so they brought musicians in to play to him. 
My sore mouth struggled with the hospital food, so JP brought me runny porridge in the mornings, Rob came bearing jelly and Jules brought home made soup. As the effects of the poison and infection wore off  I started to feel better.They sent an excellent junior oncologist to see me – someone with people skills and empathy. We talked through my options. Nobody is going to force me to have another dose of Docetaxel if I don’t want to. There are other drugs and reduced doses.  
Docetaxel, I’ve learnt, is derived from the Yew Tree. Should have listened to my mother when she said “Don’t eat the berries – they’re poisonous!”

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Dee
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 20:37:19

    Clare, so glad your bravery and resolve is as strong as ever. We were thinking of you in the office today and we all hope your next treatment is far far better than the last.


  2. Anonymous
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 21:05:14

    So, so glad to hear you are home again. You've been through so much, including the last hellish 12 days – and yet you are so strong and brave – and amazing and inspiring too. All our love, Bx, Rick and boys xxxx


  3. Anonymous
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 22:40:29

    Dear Clare

    I am so pleased you are alive and have returned home. I started wondering what today's date might mean in recorded history, and after searching t'internet, found these random items to distract you!

    With love, Andrew the Bike x

    September 7th Saints' Feast Days

    Saint Clodoald


    Patronage against carbuncles[2] (and hopefully Cancer too?);
    nail makers; Diocese of Saint Cloud, Minnesota[1]

    Saint Anastasius



  4. medicalmutiny
    Sep 08, 2010 @ 10:35:21

    Thank you for your kind comments!
    Just discovered the digital thermometer I'd been using is three degrees out! So I was actually in danger zone long before I realised. John's gone out to get me a better one.


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